Closing Time

This last week was our “Close of Service” Conference. I went into it with little expectations apart from all of my training group and then some (about 60 PCVs) getting together and staying a a hotel; AC good food, a pool. In the beginning it felt like an over exaggerated high school graduation party complete with drinking by the pool and listening to old favorites. By the third day I realized that's what it really was. We were all just over grown adolescence unsure of our futures. The speaker and organizer of the conference started us off just like any speaker should with enthusiasm and random stories. She promised to make sure we knew by the end of the conference how valuable our service really has been not only to Malians but also to our own future. She was going to pump us up and make us even more self center than we could ever imagine, that is of course if we didn't make fun of her ice breaker games... Half way through the conference we started to make some head way on resumes and what to do with our futures and what paper work we have to do before we leave (one of the beauties of working with the US government). I was feeling pretty good about my resume and my future in general, as one of a few that has a solid plan for next year, and then we heard the career panel. The guests on the panel were obviously living abroad in Mali, and as RPCV (return peace corps volunteers) had chosen to work in development, all but one who was an international school teacher. I'm not sure if I want to live abroad or even do development work, but they all, including the school teacher, made it clear that it is near impossible without a graduate degree in something, anything really, and that made me reevaluate my position on furthering my education. Not now of course, but now the “definitely not” has turned into a “maybe”. I still want to have a better idea of what I want to do first.

As the days turned into hours I was in denial about my two best friends, Hunter and Rabayah, leaving. They both chose to leave early for different reasons, Hunter a Peace Corps extension in China starting now and Rabayah grad school. Although I, and most of my other friends, don't leave the country for another two months we were force to realize what the ultimate outcome of the conference was, the end of our time here in Mali. Of course Hunter was busy trying to finish all the last minute paper works and goodbyes, leaving the best for last, so it seemed so abrupt, rushed. The Peace Corps driver came 30 minutes early to take him to the airport, the only time something ever happens early in Mali. Because he was leaving from the hotel of our conference there was a large number of people there to see him off, but only a few of us were actually crying. And before we knew it our big white hunter was gone. Rabayah left not a week later. By then, most people had gone back to their sites so the group was smaller, but still the best of the best. More crying... Like high school graduation or even college, I know that the most important friends that I have made here will keep in touch but it's going to be harder since most of us are internationally minded. I am very excited to see my family and friends back home, and I know I am ready to leave Mali but I guess I wasn't ready to be sad about leaving, and maybe that's good. Maybe that will urge me to return, urge me to make even more of a difference somewhere else.

And now I go back to my site reluctantly. I don't feel refreshed or re energized to finish up my service. I feel more unsure and out of control of my last 2 months. I have seen two other services end and it's only 2 short months until I too will leave and that is a struggle not to dwell on, to not be overwhelmed by. But maybe Mali will surprise me again.

Every new beginning come from some other beginnings end, or at least that's how the song goes.